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When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes
about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round
blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room
schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time
after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an
hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I
was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and
how easy they've got it!
But....
Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look
around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so frickin' easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but
you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the damned library, and look it up ourselves!
And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter-with a
pen!-and then you had to walk all the way across the street, and put it in the
freakin' mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to go
to the stupid record store, and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around
all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning
and screw it all up!
You want to hear about hardship?
We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID
Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was-it could be
your boss, your mom, a collection agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!!
You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution
3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders"
and "Asteroids" and the graphics were terrible! Your guy was a little
square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or
screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win! The game just
kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All
the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, and you were
screwed!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels
and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide
to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
morning... D'ya hear what the hell I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you
spoiled little bastards!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy!
You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in
1984!
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